you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
