Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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