I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
I did not marry a roomba.
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