Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
