Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
