If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
