how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
