apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
