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• (757): View more from Virginia

  he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  he's my edward cullen

  (770): View more from Georgia

  I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.

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• (912): View more from Georgia

  So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.

  (1-912): View more from Georgia

  Who leaves their car unlocked at night?

  (912): View more from Georgia

  Someone who wants to read the newspaper.

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• (917): View more from New York City

  Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.

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• (205): View more from Alabama

  He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.

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• (916): View more from California

  The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.

  (1-916): View more from California

  Try oodles of noodles this time.

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• (407): View more from Florida

  I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.

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• (951): View more from California

  I'm sorry I peed on your everything.

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• (602): View more from Arizona

  When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.

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• (301): View more from Maryland

  Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.

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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.

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• (443): View more from Maryland

  You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.

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• (309): View more from Illinois

  I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.

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