Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
