So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
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