I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
