everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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