And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
