I just pynch a tree in the face
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
