"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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