Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
