nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
