3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
