She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
