you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
