So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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