i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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