Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
