apparently the secret to your success is patron
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
