I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
