Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
