question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
as a side note pls kill me
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
