just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
she told me i tasted like america
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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