Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize