Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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