not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
