Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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