I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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