I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
