she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
tell me about the fingering
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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