WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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