I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
it glows. i had to have it.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
