A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
We got so high we made milksteak
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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