I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
