Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
