life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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