At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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