Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
