First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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