he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
