Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
People with herpes should wear stickers.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
