Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Randomize
