So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
My bed smells like the plague
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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