I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
