Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize