Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
