He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
