my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
