I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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