I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize