She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
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