I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
