this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
