Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize