I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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