all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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