Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
