let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize