New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
