It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
