Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize