Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
That's when you crack a 10am beer
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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