I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
