Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
