What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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