Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
