I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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